Beyond Breast Cancer: The Side of Survivorship You Don’t See

Surviving breast cancer doesn’t mean the hard parts are over. Five years after her diagnosis, Navy spouse and mother Meg Graves shares how the lasting effects of treatment continue to shape her daily life. Through recurring hospital stays, deployments, and her children’s worries, she offers an honest look at breast cancer survivorship and the community that helps her family through it.

Five Years Later, Survival Is Still Complicated

This month marks my fifth Breast Cancer Awareness Month as a breast cancer survivor. I was diagnosed on 12/28/20 with stage 3C triple-negative breast cancer. My husband had just returned from a COVID deployment that had been extended, and we were home in Virginia Beach with our three kids, two of whom have autism and ADHD. And while that part of my life was extremely hard, and I would never wish that experience on anyone, I would argue this side of survivorship is just as hard. 

The Lasting Effects of Lifesaving Treatment

The treatments I needed to survive and be here today, are what continue to affect my body and my daily life. Because of the extensiveness of my cancer, I chose an aggressive surgery removing all of the lymph nodes in my left arm, and because of those choices, I live with lymphedema every day. And while lymphedema is hard on its own and brings its own nuances, the reality is it is the environment which sets me up for cellulitis to occur at the drop of a hat. It is that fear of developing cellulitis that truly hinders my life and those in it with me. 

Living With the Fear of Another Infection

Cellulitis is a serious skin infection that can quickly develop into a blood infection. For me, it requires hospitalization and blood monitoring to make sure that I'm on the right antibiotics and that it's not developing further into scarier issues. If I knew what would cause cellulitis, it would make my life much easier to manage. Instead, the things that trigger it are still unknown for my body.

We have found that lifting weights & push-ups will trigger an infection. We've found that little cuts on my hands will trigger an infection. And my other favorite one: we have no idea what will cause an infection. I will go to bed feeling fine, and I will wake up to bright red, painful swelling either on my arm or the trunk of my body.

Survivorship Through My Children’s Eyes

My kids are much older now, and they understand what it means when my body is bright red. All I have to do is show them my arm, and they go, “No, Mom, not again.” They tear up, they get mad, and they understand that that means Mom is away for an unknown amount of time.

Even though my kids are older, they still have special needs, and they approach the world through a different lens. They may not understand all the pieces of my cancer, but they do understand what causes their mom to disappear into the land of the hospital. For many years, my youngest, who was four at the time of my diagnosis, thought every time I left the house I was going for chemo. She would say, “You have chemo, Mommy? Chemo Mommy? Okay, Mommy, have chemo.”

When Hospitalization and Deployment Collide

My husband has been deployed on the Lincoln this past year, another extended deployment, an unprecedented deployment yet again. And my cancer didn't care. My lymphedema didn't care. And cellulitis really did not care. While he was deployed, I ended up hospitalized with cellulitis. Thankfully, they were able to Red Cross him home for a brief period, but it was still yet another scary thing to go through for my children. Not only was their mom in the hospital for an unknown amount of time, but their father was also far away.

The Neighbors Who Keep Showing Up

I'm so thankful for our blessed neighbors in both Virginia Beach, Washington, DC, and now Washington State who always step up every time I am hospitalized. I do wonder at what point their generosity stops, as someone who is habitually and chronically ill.

Knowing How to Adapt Doesn’t Make It Easy

I think as a military wife, we are prepared for the constant unknown and the constant change. Those skills we've developed help us to manage things like chronic illnesses and special needs children, as well as PCSing, deployments, work-ups, etc.

We are used to handling things on our own. We are used to making the phone calls to Tricare. We are used to advocating for our family. We know what it means to have a plan ABCD and maybe even Z. It doesn't mean that it's easy by any stretch of the imagination.

About the Author - Meg Graves

Meg Graves is a seasoned advocate and leader whose lived experience spans 16 years as a Navy spouse, a career in education, and a deeply personal journey as a Stage 3C Triple Negative Breast Cancer survivor. As the mother of three children, two of whom are enrolled in EFMP, Meg brings unmatched insight into the challenges military families face, from navigating frequent PCS transitions to accessing consistent, quality healthcare and special education services.

Her advocacy work is both broad and deeply personal. Meg currently serves on the Military Child and Family Collaboratory. She helps shape care for military-connected youth and serves on the Patient and Family Partnership Council at Naval Health Clinic Oak Harbor. Meg is currently a Subject Matter Expert for EFMP & SPED at Partners in PROMISE, where she champions systems-level improvements for families with complex needs. She is also a current volunteer on the MFAN advisory board. She was recently recognized for her advocacy work. Meg was named the 2026 AFI MSOY for NAS Whidbey Island and is one of the top three Branch finalists for the Navy. Her prior roles at NSFL and as ombudsman and key spouse for various joint commands reflect her commitment to serving across branches. Meg is always striving to leave each duty station stronger than she found it.

Megan holds a Bachelor of Arts in English and a Bachelor of Science in Speech Communication from Millersville University, as well as graduate coursework in Special Education and ESL. She has taught in classrooms across the country, using every move as an opportunity to advocate for others. Her current focus centers on empowering families through outreach, mentorship, and improving the systems that serve them. Whether working to streamline healthcare access or support EFMP families, Meg ensures every military family, especially those managing complex medical and educational needs, feels seen, heard, and supported.

Meg, her husband, and their three children currently live in Washington State with their beloved dog, Happy. They can often be found browsing bookstores, sipping coffee, making joyful messes in the garden, or laughing together through everyday adventures. For Meg, purpose, presence, and connection are the heart of military life.